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Still looking for myself............

Monday 18 April 2011

Daddy



What did I say
and what did I do?
Why did you leave? What should I be
to let me live there along with you?
I cleaned up my room
and I made up my own bed
and I'm sorry when I had you
 repeat what you had said.
Daddy why did I have to go?
I'll be so much better
I can do better
just Daddy please don't let me go
I miss you so
I want you to know
I love you Daddy
I need you more then you'll even ever know
I'll start listening in my school
and I'll brush all my teeth
and I promise at dinner
I'll remember not to speak
I look at our pictures
and I see us wear a smile
can't we pretend, maybe
just for a little while.
We looked so happy
don't you think we had it made
but just like the pictures
my memories will slowly fade
can't we be a family
a normal family
what can I do, I'm a child
let's play pretend
don't let this end
even for just for a little while
I count up hundreds
of  little bounding sheep
it takes me that long
 before I can drift off to sleep
 and I pray up to God
I hope He hears my whispered prayers
that if I'm a good boy
maybe, I can meet you ,down the stairs
Daddy how do you sleep
when we are cold at night?
And how do you eat
when mommy has two jobs?
you know that ain't right.....
How do you offer 
another lady to take her place?
When I look at my mommy
I see the pain you put upon her face.
This isn't right
no it ain't right
we should be together, a family
this is so sad
and I am mad
how could you just abandon me?
I know that you moved on, you said
 you had to follow the ever green
and I know you never, ever
meant to be mean
but who's gonna protect me
from the bullies at my school?
and who's gonna untangle my rod
 and your old fishin' spool?
I don't know how to drive 
but I know how to walk away
you taught me daddy
that having a family doesn't pay
cause I remember 
how you packed up all my toys
and just like you sent us away
I left behind with you my joy
I looked out the window
you smiled and waved goodbye
you said that you loved me
but I know it was a lie
I don't wanna leave
I don't wanna leave
now I feel so alone
I cry for you every night
every night
Why do you never, ever phone?
I'll be so much better
I can do better
I promise not to spill my milk
don't leave me daddy
don't go away daddy
I'll be like you, someday I will
remember how you promised me 
that you'd teach me how to swim
but mommy keeps on cry'n
and I don't know how to deal with it.
Now here I stand 
I'm all grown up, and I'm a man
I'll always be alone
you say you regret
I'm sure, I bet,
you wished that you had phoned
So, stop wasting my time, cause this is my time
now I don't wanna see you cry
 you had your chance
and your negligence
taught me how to say goodbye........

Elizabeth Taylor
April 17/11
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